Sunday, July 22, 2007

Nice word to say

好話 v.s 壞話…只在一念之間
作 者:劉 墉

說件「鮮事」 給您聽──

有個丈夫跟太太親熱,撫摸著太太,很有情趣地讚美: 「妳的皮膚摸起來真細,絕不像四十歲的女人。」
太太笑:「是啊!最近摸過的人都這麼說。」
『啪!』一記耳光。
丈夫吼道:「妳最近讓多少人摸過?妳老實招來!」
太太摀著臉,哭著喊: 「大家是這麼說啊!每個護膚中心的小姐都這麼說。」

這是真事,但是怎麼看都像笑話對不對? 問題是,當你細心觀察就會發現,我們周遭充滿這樣的笑話。 只因為一句話沒說對,就把喜劇變成了悲劇, 把眼看就要辦成的好事變成了壞事。

「話」人人會說,只是不見得人人會說話; 有話好說,只是不見得人人說好話。 不說好話的道理很簡單──因為他沒有多想一想。

舉個例子: 最近我有個朋友,在他新居的後院搭了間工具房。 那工具房是買現成的材料,再自己拼裝的, 專門用來放剪草機、鏟子、鋤頭這些整理花園的工具。
可是我這朋友興高采烈地才拼裝到一半,他的鄰居竟然隔著牆喊: 「你亂蓋房子,是違法的。」
我這朋友氣極了,跑到建管處去問, 得到的答案是蓋十呎乘十呎以內的工具屋,不違法;只有超過,才違法。
他回去量了量自己買的工具屋,是十呎乘十二呎,多了兩呎, 於是拿去退掉,換成合法的尺寸。
工具屋搭好了,他跑來對我說: 「我非要去糗糗我那鄰居不可,我要告訴他中國人不好欺負, 我去政府單位問過了,現在搭的絕對合法,歡迎他去告!」
「你何必這麼說呢?」 我勸他:「您何不換個方式,對他說: 『真是謝謝你,幸虧你提醒我,不然我的工具屋多了兩呎, 因為違法得拆除,就白蓋了。』
你不是照樣讓他知道你去問過政府單位,現在是合法建築了嗎?」 朋友想了想,覺得有理,照辦了。
結果不但沒有得罪鄰居,還交上了好朋友。

再說個故事。

有個人和他太太為了一點小事吵架,要離婚, 起因居然不但不是壞事,還是好事。
那一天,他太太買到一條上好的石斑魚,特別打電話到辦公室: 「你離開辦公室的時候,打個電話回來,我好下鍋蒸, 這石斑魚,多一分鐘少一分鐘都不成。」
那太太想得很好,丈夫出門,她蒸魚,丈夫進門,正好上桌。 偏偏她丈夫下班的時候,才打完電話,說要出門了, 就碰上個客戶突然造訪,耽誤了二十分鐘。
「糟了!」 送走客戶,丈夫心想,趕緊又撥個電話回家: 「對不起,臨時有事,現在才能走。」
太太一聽,在那頭跳了起來: 「什麼?你還在辦公室? 你不知道魚涼了不好吃嗎?你知道這條石斑魚多少錢嗎?」
丈夫沒多吭氣,匆匆忙忙開車回去,一路想,一路急,加上晚了, 餓,胃都急疼了,路上還差點撞了人。
進門沒好氣地說一句: 「魚涼了就涼了嘛!熱熱不就得了?」
太太也沒好氣: 「你是沒命吃好魚,以後給你吃涼的。」
兩個人當然「吵翻了」 ,拉開嗓子吼,把孩又都嚇哭了, 一條好好的石斑魚,放在桌上,誰都沒吃,還差點離了婚。
你說,他們是會說話嗎? 如果那作太太的,能像我那搭工具屋的朋友,換個角度說: 「別急!別急!魚涼了,微波爐熱一分鐘就成了, 開車小心點,我們等你。」

會說話與不會說話,常在那一念之間。
一念之間,他懂得忍、懂得退一步想,想想壞話怎麼好說, 狠話怎麼柔說,就可能有個喜劇的結局。
那一念之間,他毫不考慮地脫口而出,則可能是個悲劇的結尾。
雖然許多人讚美我口才好,但是我從不這麼認為, 而且覺得自己年輕的時候總是說錯話。
即使到今天,我每天晚上還是常把白天說的話想一想, 檢討一下,是不是有不妥當,或者「有更好的說話方法」。
正因此,在這本書裡我提出的案例, 都是最真實的,發生在大家身邊的小事。
而由那些小事裡,常能見到大學問; 由那些簡單的話語中,常能觸及心靈的深處。

p/s : english ver. was direct translate from the web, it may have some difference from the original post. The last story i didnt translate.

Nice v.s. cuss ... only in a study between

Tell you a ‘special’ story :

A husband to his wife intimate, caressing with his wife, and very interesting to praise : "Your skin really feel like fine sand, they are unlike the 40-year-old woman.”
Wife smiled :" ah! Recently the people who touch it are saying so.”
“Pa!” with a slap on the face.
Her husband roared : "Do you let the number of people recently touch you? Tell me honestly!"
Wife hold her face with tears shouted :" All also said like that ah! Each Miss skin care centers have said so. "

This is true, but it do like a joke right? The problem is, when you look carefully you will discover that things around us is full of such jokes. Just because a word not told right, put the comedy into a tragedy that seemed about to accomplish a good thing into something bad.

"Dialect” everyone will say, but not everyone will speak well; have anything more to be said, but not everyone is good to say. Not good to say the reason is very simple - because he did not think more.

For example : Recently I had a friends in the backyard of his new house, built a tool of the Intergovernmental.
It is the tool to buy off-the-shelf materials, and then assembled their own, devoted to the up lawn mowers, shovels, these garden hoe finishing tool.
But my friends happily assembled to only half of it, his neighbors separated by the wall even shouted : "You Luange house, is illegal."
My friend are so mad, he went to building office to ask, the answer was - covered 10 feet by 10 feet within the housing tools, not illegal; Only over before offense.
He go back and measure the amount of his own tools estates is 10 feet by 12 feet, more than two feet away then drained away, replaced by the legitimate size.
Tools put up in the house, he ran over and said to me : "I have to tell him not to bully the Chinese people, I went to government agencies asked, now take an absolutely legitimate, and we welcome him to notice the government! "
"Why do you say so?" I advised him :" Why not change your ways, you told him : 『Thank you, thanks you for reminding me, otherwise, my tool house two feet more, because in dismantling illegal, built on white. 』
You not similarly let him know that you ask the government, the current building is a legitimate?
My friends thought for a while and feel justified, he did follow.
Not only did not offend the neighbors, also be a good friend.

Know to talk and don’t know to talk, which often read in between. One read between the forbearance he knew, would like to know how to step back and think about the bad word how to say it nice, tough words how to said it soft, there may be a comedy outcome.
If at that moment, he blurted out the words without any consideration to, it may be a tragedy to the end.
Although many people praise me eloquent, but I never thought that, and I always feel that when I was younger always make mistakes.
Even today, every night I still used to think about the words that I had spoken at daytime, a review of this, it is a appropriate to say so, or "a better way to speak."
This is precisely why, in this book, I put the case, is the most authentic, in everyone around things.
From those small, often asked to see the university; By those simple words, often touched on the depths of the soul.

My 2 sense : It really very hard to think twice to say a nice word when the time we are in mad. I always think of this story about how to say nice word that will change the situation.

3 comments:

Anggie's journel said...

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Anggie's journel said...

「話」人人會說,只是不見得人人會說話; 有話好說,只是不見得人人說好話。 I agreed with this message , that's y sometime becos of certain miscommunication, we easily get mad and we get to hurt someone feeling. Is a whole life homework.

1+2mom said...

abggie's journal,
thank you for your award, will do it when i free.

Yea, we need more communication especially after we married that 2 family become 1.